I thought I healed that part of me?! I let it go. I released It from my memory. I buried it! I buried it alright, deep within layers of layers of undealt pain, hurt, betrayal, resentment, anything you name that does not serve my highest good- it’s been buried under all that! Buried so deep the memories were almost lost.
Until a day comes that a circumstance makes it way forth and triggers a feeling that hasn't been felt in a very long time. It rises from the very core. And leaves you confused- questioning the feeling that has presented itself.
Here it's been waiting for me to feel back into life. I have numbed my senses so that I didn’t have to feel. So that I didn't have to deal. It was survival. My survival tactic, so that I can function. So that I can move forward in life. And focus on what needed to be done. That is what trauma can do to you, you think you're moving forward, but without any feelings. It can leave you numb, leaving out the emotions tied to certain circumstances that even brings joy and laughter. It keeps you from truly experiencing life and even the beautiful feelings of love, happiness and peace. It keeps you stuck in a place where you question the safety and security around you, even when you are safe. It keeps your stuck in fear, keeping you from abundance and blessings. And in order to get through it all, is to go within and feel it all.
This is one of the most hardest things to do for us as human beings. Which is to take a good look in the mirror and face ourselves. The discomfort, the pain, the hurt, the ugliness of what has been programmed in our mind, and from what we have determined through our experience as bad. And so, we do whatever we can to not let it affect us. However, when we are able to face it, accept it, let it move within and through us that is when we can truly release it. We are meant to feel, if we didn't then what would be the point of living? When we feel, we know that we are alive. I know, it feels lonely at times, but know you're not alone. That was something I realized: I am never alone. All I had to do was reach out to someone who I trust or perhaps even a stranger. And by sharing ourselves we may see that we all been through similar experiences at some point in time. It may not be the same exact thing. But the feeling is there, nevertheless. And whatever the case may be, pain is pain, hurt is hurt, and love is love. These feelings do not discriminate. And then, there are those times we do have to be alone and just sit with it and let it flow through us. They are there to remind us that we are alive, and that are meant to feel, live and love.
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